Me and Shantanu used to end up for movies practically every sunday. Initially we used to experiment trying to visit different theatres but finally settled upon PVR as our only place to view movies considering two factors: Movie Options and Crowd. This particular theatre in Ahmedabad tends to get a crowd that believes in appreciating cinema as an art. Plus we have a bonus of good food, more options and a decent ambiance to spend the entire day there switching between movie shows. Two-three movies a Sunday used to be a routine. Now when I read Hrishikesh’s post about Generic Cinema manners, I was tempted to add more. Sigh! I can’t blog on his comments section and hence, the post with a bit of redundance. What do you do when you encounter such irritating patrons? If you were me, you would feel like strangling or stabbing the person right away but you reconsider your impulses, soothe yourself and then…? Curse people about basic Cinema Manners…!
Let me classify this one into a few types of viewers I have encountered at the best cinema hall I have seen so far.
1. Elders talking way too much:
This section of people let you end up in the biggest frustration. You can’t be rude to them beyond a point. And how many times do you go on indicating to them about basic manners. If you still go a step ahead and tell them, you will surely hear more sounds than before, gossiping about your behaviour.
“WHAT? Do I have the permission to sink into the movie in peace for which I paid, just like you did?”
Well, you got better places to get cozy. I mean what is the desperation to just do everything in these couple of hours. You would surely not prefer to glare at the backseat and tell them to please not keep kicking your seat. It is so embarassing and all the more irritating!
Kids are innocent they say. Dude, I know they’re innocent and they can’t be seated in a place for 2-3 hours. Where does the role of a parent go then..? It is so irritating when you are watching a movie, a kid bangs on your head from behind, or kicks your seat from behind! And when you glare back at them, the stupid mother who believes “Her kid is entitled to trouble anyone in the theatre just because it is a kid”; will give the most irritating smile in the world. If there is a wailing baby, take it out for a while. Well, there are other careless patrons who put their infants to sleep but leave them sleeping on the walkway besides middle corner seats. And yes, how do I forget parents who dont buy tickets for their poor little kid who then roams around in the entire cinema hall .. wow…! Someone told me, “What if you were a parent?!” I was like, “My kid would be taught basic cinema manners before it enters one! Forget others, I would hate if my young one ruins my own cinema experience by misbehaving!”
4. LIVE SUBTITLES:
When you go to watch Hollywood movies, in English and it doesn’t have subtitles; pray you don’t get this category anywhere aroundside. You listen to dubbed versions of every single dialogue and the person ensures you can’t hear the next dialogue. Dude, if you really want to boast your English Grasping Skills, cinema hall is one place, you will never be valued. There are dubbed versions of the movies; prefer them please and spare me?
Go watch an “A” rated movie with heavy use of desi slang: Bang On you can’t hear many dialogues. Okay, you understood the joke, and so did everyone else. Laugh riot is one thing but commentary after.each one? Screaming as if you were just thrown off the 12th floor? I don’t understand this obsession of Indian audience with the use of desi slang in movies; dude m and b words are known practically to every adult and there is nothing so great about you knowing it or seeing its use on a public domain.
These are the worst. A group of more than 3 or 5 is usually a big nuisance at the movies. Whatever be the movie, you are sure to get comments after dialogues that relate to the group members- IS IT A PRIVATE SCREENING FOR YOUR GROUP? Often a family of 7-10 with kids is even worse. Kids will create problems, as aforesaid. They will fight for a seat beside their favorite cousin and result: only one adult failing to control their behaviour. Adults are equally ill-mannered: popcorn will be passed from one end of the row to the other. They will always be concerned about their friend at the other end being well fed with popcorn and pepsi. Another speciality? Only one uncle out of 3 in the group of 8 will get up in the interval for pop corns, arrive ten minutes late by when everyone has settled and then shout: “Le lo…arey wo hisaab baad mein karenge”
7. Mobile Phone Users:
Ah! I can slaughter them into pieces. PVR gives a 1-2 min teaser to put your phone on silent or switch it off before the movie begins. I believe most cinemas may be doing so. Still…? Dates and Dinner Plans; Regular chit-chatting; Work and the list goes on… “I am at a movie” can be said softly or texted. Emergencies always allow you to go out and be at ease. But we love talking loudly in the middle of movies..! And no matter how many times do we glare at you, insult you, or just shout at you, you will remain the dog in manger.
8. FOOD Orders:
Not a major problem, but a few of them have special demands like you’ve hired personal cooks: “Bhaiyya ketchup nahin diya, bhaiyya yeh teekha hai, ismein chutney kyun kam hai, ismein barf kam daali hai aapne..” No comments…!
9. The Retaliators:
They may be any of the above and they will retaliate back, shout, make an issue out of things and create a racket. You temporarily curse yourself on raising the issue you couldn’t help suppressing..!
10. MOVERS & SHAKERS
You have to arrive real late both at the beginning and after the interval; just because you are not enjoying the movie, you shall get up thrice each for the food and loo and to top that all: you’re right in the middle of the row. You will laugh like you’re the only one in the cinema hall going ROFL and you pass comments like you are a critic evaluating it for the Oscar awards..!
Disclaimer: The above list is Illustrative and not exhaustive.
Well, not always did we come across such patrons during our PVR experience, but we sure did encounter such “SAMPLES” at the place we still find to be the best in town for a wholesome movie viewing experience. If this post applies to you, dear reader: You better note that it is very much intended to offend you by each direct or indirect indication. You pay the ticket money only and only to get that comfortable seat and watch the movie with your own eyes and ears. This amount does not entitle you to talk in between the movie, behave as if you are in your private chambet or do anything that may disturb the movie experience of other patrons.