Dear Some people I wish could forgive me

This post has been written for Day 13 of the 30 Days 30 letters challenge. Topic for today: A Letter to Someone you wish could forgive you

This letter is dedicated to two different bunches of my family members.


Dear Some people I wish could forgive me,

I never thought I would write this to you or even tell you this. Today, thanks to the compulsion of writing this letter that I am writing to you.

I know you all have a lot of expectations from me: of being a certain way I am supposed to be, seeing you frequently, spending time with you, doing/ following certain norms, practices and traditions and of being present at most social occasions.

At your end, you’re not probably wrong for you may either have seen your children/ siblings/ family do the same and it is obvious that the expectation passes on to me, for I am no different, very much a part of your family.

However, I have been different; my thinking, attitude and experiences perhaps have shaped me so. I have not been in your company as regularly as I must be. I don’t think and approach life, people, family, traditions, relatives, the way you do. Avoiding attending a certain random relative’s wedding ceremony or skipping a certain festival or pooja to work, college, school or at times, mere disinterest and disbelief, doesn’t give me second thoughts or regrets. I just do it. I am fine with it. I know you are not. That one decision of mine, perhaps is too hard and ruthless on you. You tend to get hurt, with my absence, and withdrawal of my interest, thinking I don’t care. Perhaps!

I want to let you know you that with all my decision and actions, I have never once had the intention to hurt any of you, yet I know that what I have done has hurt you.

I am a certain way. All I seek is that understanding and acceptance, that I am that way and perhaps may not change. Meeting you less often, not attending your/ your relative’s wedding, not visiting your place frequently or not adopting a certain tradition won’t make me love and respect you less. Please don’t guage my love and respect on those grounds. I’m just not the way you are!

I know you would have a thousand points to counter this, you may even call me a snob, a busy and stubborn person and highly unwilling.  However, I am sure you will understand and accept things one day and forgive me.

 

Love,

Niyati

To the people I hate the most,

This post has been written for Day 12 of the 30 Days 30 letters challenge. Topic for today: A Letter to the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain.

 


To the people I hate the most,

No you are not at all dear, so you won’t even be addressed that way. Get it clear right away, I hate you. And I have no intentions whatsoever to tell you anything! But given a chance to write this letter, there’s probably no harm in communicating certain things.

What you do in your life, and the way you choose to live is utterly your choice. I am indeed nobody to interfere. But then, the way you are or have been, most often, I am glad I have distanced myself from you. I’ve always grown up learning and absorbing one thing: always be truthful and honest to your deeds and morals.

That is what I guess I mistook from your painted face, failing to see the real, dishonest, unprofessional, vindictive face of a liar, a cheat!

You were dishonest and absolutely uncommitted to your work and how conveniently you thought you were fooling me and others. Well, you just proved yourself to be a bigger fool. And yes, let me tell you, you have no standards whatsoever for you’re dishonest to every piece of bread you earn!

You think you could use me, take advantage of my feelings, willingness to help, my open-minded attitude and get yourself a “Heroic” image telling others you conveniently played around and then dumped an emotional fool? Being in the most respected professions, belonging to that (professional) section of the society whose ethics and morals are the most respected ~ you just proved to the world how dishonest and “Moral-less” people of your breed can get so they better beware of you!

You think you could talk nonsense about me behind my back and I would never know of it. Well, good confidence. It would have been better if you had that confidence to look at your reflection in the mirror, eye to eye; or the confidence for your own principles and credibility. Silly me! I just forgot you never had any.

In whatever form you’ve met me till date, well, you exist no more, for even if you appear before me, I can see through you! 🙂

 

~ Someone who has just bettered the art of knowing people after meeting bastards like you!

Dear Sam,

This post has been written for Day 11 of the 30 Days 30 letters challenge. Topic for today: A Letter to Deceased person you wish you could talk to.

Often there are people who are too special and mean a lot to you. One day, the silently walk away and the void in your life keeps haunting you for long hours, days, perhaps in flashes all through your life.


 

Dear Sam,

I want to tell you a million times that you have always been a beautiful inspiration, friend, mentor and a guiding light. You know, I have told you this many a time and I cannot cease to repeat myself. Each time I read your book, Life in a Jiffy, I can’t cease to smile, whether you talk about that DSLR Camera in your poetry or you simply describe that beautiful dawn, when you woke up to the nature! Your words permeate “Life in a Jiffy” in every sense and aspect!

You still haunt my dreams for there have been those strange mornings of late, when I remembered those days when we used to go swimming together. Also, I’ve woken up to days when we went for a picnic together somewhere or even, how you visited my place to see the my little dogs and described in one of your old blogs about dog love. 🙂 You won’t believe, I went back to orkut.com, and hunted down the little testimonial you wrote for me and copied it in my diary. I still run my fingers through those little notes you’d scribbled in the course material you’d given to me for Entrance Exam preparations, and hope it will take me to you, connect me to you in some way!

Yes, I still hope some day I shall see you in person, hug you, walk my dog with yours, talk endlessly, go for a picnic and go swimming in the river and tell you how much you have meant to me. Not that I have left a single opportunity to let you know that, yet, I’d once again like to do that. I’ll once again quote a poem I wrote for you few months ago, a poem dedicated to a fire that may never die out!

Fiery, strong, upfront and bold;
Yet, Soft & Loving:
A magic we say she always beholds!
Today i realized:
Alas! The cruelty of life…
How unfair can he be,
For stealing from the world, a wonderful soul…!
She indeed was a beautiful mind!
The little firefly that did enough to brighten the world ~
Who inspired and left behind tears and an empty world!
Alas! The cruelty of life…
How mean can he be,
To take someone away~
Who might just have saved the world,
From the bad & ugly!
A little floating lamp in the shadow valley:
She was a fire that could never die!
She is a fire that can never burn out!
Alas! The cruelty of life!
Why her?
She was a free soul~
Embracing life with open arms!
She learnt at each step~
She changed herself out of her learnings!
And yet,
Held onto her goodness and mystic beauty!
She was a magic that just happened to me and a few fortunate ones!
She was an inspiration with which I walked ahead
She was a bliss, I was blessed enough to live with!
Alas! The cruelty of time…
Alas! The cruel human…!
How we take special ones for granted!
And don’t tell them how much they mean!
How we lament upon the chances missed and opportunities lost!
Alas! That cruel circumstance…
When the fire died out!
Leaving behind darkness;
Leaving behind a void that no light can ever fill..!
Alas! The cruel him~
At times so unfair,
And yet,
I resort to him
Seeking an answer to my Why!
Seeking peace for her soul!
Seeking for those fond memories to come alive once again!
Seeking beauty for the world!
In just one prayer:
May the fire never die out!
For it indeed has lit up many lives…
May the fire keep burning~
Somewhere in a beautiful corner of this world!
Where only beauty embraces her with open arms!
May the fire keep burning!

Love,

Niyati 🙂

Dear Father,

This post has been written for Day 10 of the 30 Days 30 letters challenge. Topic for today: A Letter to Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to.

 


 

Dear Papa,

Strange as it may seem, nevertheless, I am writing to you because we seldom talk and perhaps we are better this way. You know how it has been at home usually, it is mother and I who have been blabbering from this to that to everything and thanks to us, our home is never a silence zone. You and I have comfortably been like this, in our silence or rather our infrequent conversations, ever since I don’t know when.

Yes we do speak to one another, and we do share that space that is ours, but perhaps it is just not as often as it should be.

The other day I was just thinking why isn’t it so at my end with you, as it is with mother. Time, yes is an issue. Generally the blame is on both of ours’ work pressures. Besides, we both are introverts and worrywarts! Oh yes! I don’t appear to be one, many a time but you know I am one!

Very often I am so much keen on communicating something and starting a conversation but then I just stop and let it be unsaid. And with you this often happens. It’s not that I don’t want to share, it’s not that I don’t want to hurt you by sharing it. At times it is just better left unsaid for it is easy to deal with. Else, eventually, things like acceptance unnecessarily pour in and dilute the brew completely.

Yes we don’t talk as often as we should! Perhaps I do not have the patience to take you through every detail and you won’t have a clarity without going through it. Similarity see.  Now because of these different melodies, one with patience and one without, our tunes never tend to sync. Not that they weren’t meant to.

The funny part is, we both know we must turn to one another when in need, yet, our bond is such that many things are better left unsaid. I guess we’ve now both begun to deal with this and get used to its presence in our lives. Perhaps that’s what is important.

Yours,

Niyati

Dear C

This post has been written for Day 9 of the 30 Days 30 letters challenge. Topic for today: A Letter to Someone you wish you could meet!

I first saw him as a contestant of a singing reality show on television. The first impression I carried, was best described by one of the judges. He (the judge) said, “Your voice has a beautiful element of truth that reflects the purity of your heart.” He has been my favourite ever since. While reading about him on the internet, I stumbled upon his blog, and inspiration followed instantly. Soon after, we began interacting. We have never met, yet he holds an important place in my life: Someone I wish I could meet, some day!


Dear C,

I’ve thought of writing a letter to you so many times but I simply could not, thinking it would be so stupid of me! It has been nearly seven years to have followed you over your blog and our infrequent and brief yet, very meaningful and special conversations.

Very few people have that magical power to bring a smile, and emanate inspirations from what they do, write, undertake. The day I read your blog, smiles and inspirations permeated from those words at the very first glance. It was magic. Seeing you on television was an experience, while reading and getting to know you as a writer is another, both having one thing in common: they are magical.

I read somewhere, “Happiness without a reason is actual happiness, for there are no conditions attached.” Knowing you, reading your work brings me a different joy, that has no reason. At times it makes me think, at times it enlightens, at times there are memories flooding, at times triggering emotions buried deep within. Each such time, there’s this beautiful reverie that I get lost into.

Here, I can’t help but mention my favourite of your posts (dating back to 2010), “Something Old, Something New”, where you wrote:

“…He intends to be that child in his writings again. He intends to use the language he wants, to write whatever he wants even if it’s politically incorrect & may rattle some sensibilities. Perhaps no one is judging him, but sometimes a man has to be his own judge….”

Reading this, I instantly recalled how I felt reading my old writings. At times you realize you were so naive; although you often feel like going back to that carefree self. How things change with time! Talking of the same over a chat, we agreed upon the thought: “Never feel you have come or walked too far. You can always walk the road back.”

Sitting quietly in solitude on a late night, or an idle afternoon, when I think of it all, it seems like a film of words and pictures running through my head. That is perhaps when I feel, how wonderful it would be to see you in person over a happy encounter. There would be so much we would talk about, exchange, learn, get inspired and be happy. Yes, you are someone I wish I could meet. I’ll do just what your writing makes me do: keeping the good hope alive 🙂 On that note, I’d like to recollect a few lines I wrote for you long ago.

With his magic, he charms,
He sings and he sways,
He indeed inspires in a hundred ways.
Words often lose their meaning
And language – it’s essence,
When I speak of that Inspiration!

They say you’ve never met
Much about him – you certainly know not!
Yet, what is this bond, this unknown knot?
As I watched him on the celluloid
Or when I read his blog,
I could relate to his words,
that filled my void:
The void of an inspiration!

Indeed, with his magic he charmed,
Leaving Behind,
A world beautifully transformed!

Many thanks for the inspirations, C! Keep the Charm!

Love

Niyati

P.S. – Remember you told me, “…Our merry banter that I hope will happen some day!” The feeling is still mutual. I do hope I meet you some day, at least for that interview, after which I’d write, “A Dialogue with C!” 🙂

Dear Shail the Versatile

This post has been written for Day 8 of the 30 Days 30 letters challenge. Topic for today: A Letter to a Your Favourite Internet Friend !

Dear Shail the Versatile,

I’ve always wanted to tell you what a huge inspiration you are! What better a chance than this could I have grabbed? I don’t exactly remember how we began interacting, whether it was blogs or facebook. Nevertheless, something I feel connects me to you is writing and our love for dogs.

I often wonder how do you manage doing so much with sheer flawlessness – Writing, Photography, Luci, the many Birdies & Your family.

By doing everything that you’ve been doing straight from the heart, you simply prove this one right:

“If there’s a will, passion, fuelled with love and interest coming straight from the heart, there’s no stopping, there are no boundaries, there is no age, there is no protocol, there is simply you and your skill that journey through effort and mistske to reach an accomplishment that only gets joy.” 🙂

I’m sorry if that was a long one! 😛
My admiration for you increased as you made me e-meet Luci and how I could relate you to mother and her to Chhotu! Ah! Perhaps it’s an animal lover that understands the others’ sentiment truly (Err.. Except for an insect-lovers’ sentiments please. ‘Count’ me out on that)

All I’d like to tell you is: You bring in a smile with little things you innocently do.

Thank you for those silent inspirations and tonnes of Luci love you send my way. :*

Love & Regards,

Nirvana

P.S. – I hope to see you sometime soon.

Dear Ex Boyfriend

This post has been written for Day 7 of the 30 Days 30 letters challenge. Topic for today: A Letter to Your Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Crush!

I got to write two letters here: one is obvious and the other, not so obvious. You choose which one is which way. Here I go.


Ex Boyfriend,

You don’t exist anymore for me! I thank myself for your extinction from my life.

From:
Someone who was never yours!

——————-

Dear Engineering,

You perhaps were the most beautiful, chirpy, happy and enlightening phase of my life, until I met who I was meant to be with: “Writing”!

I have never ceased to like you! Those dull and dreary theories you enlightened me with, how innocently and sincerely I used to try and figure them out, thinking it will lead to deeper meanings and some day get me to master the art of “constantly keep on creating something.”

Even if a professor with no brains stood forth me blabbering nonsense written in a ridiculous text book, my dedication to try and unravel your mysteries never ended. Well, you’ve always been like that, haven’t you? Like the Crystal clear, silent waters that run deep.

Logic was something that brought us both together but it took me four years with you to realize our mathematics was different! Two twos didnt necessarily make four for me each time for seeing them at different times, in different minds, gave me different perspectives & proportions each time. Probably, unlike yours, there wasn’t a universal key that fitted all my locks.

It was in 2010, when we parted ways. It was a difficult choice for me; I was at a crossroad of life where opinions of my mind and heart didn’t coincide. But then, we parted on a positive note and I am thankful for whatever you’ve infused into me. Wherever I go, it will remain a part of me forever.

The nuts and bolts man, your best friend, who I am married to, tells me your postive influence on me still reflects in my approach and thinking. Each time he says this, I smile.

Our love affair may not have materialized into a closure but we sure did gift one another a beautiful memory. I guess this is how life is ~ move on and have no regrets!

You’ll continue to reflect in all the good I undertake.

Love,

Nirvana ♥